i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
