tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
