You really coming over, don't trick.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
