Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
