Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
