I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
