Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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