Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
