Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
