I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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