the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
