I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize