best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
