Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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