Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
