Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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