I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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