and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize