your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My legs feel like baby dolphins
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
