do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Randomize
