she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
