The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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