wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
