Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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