Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
