Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
