Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
