That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
