And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
