just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
