First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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