he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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