Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Randomize
