I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
