I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
