Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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