i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
