I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
