If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
