i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
