Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
