He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize