I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
