He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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