And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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