Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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