Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm at about main and main street
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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