He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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