Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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