Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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