"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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