so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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