i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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