after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
