4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
