I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
