my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
