I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
