There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
