My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize