I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
