My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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