What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
