mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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