His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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