I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
