I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
