If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
