I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
