Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
