ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
