I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
