she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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