Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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