mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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