around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
