So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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