I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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