HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
