Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
