Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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