either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
