i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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