Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
