i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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