He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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