I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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