I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
